Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
