Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
