Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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