Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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