So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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