Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
