i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
