I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
3pm strippers are depressing
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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