2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
