She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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