Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
