Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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