How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
