Sry I called you an 8
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
