Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
