Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
