Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
