I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
