you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
