yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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