splinters make it hard to masturbate
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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