Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
