aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
