I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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