I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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