New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
