I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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