And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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