Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So drunk its hurt
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
