When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
