You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
