life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
