No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
