You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You ruined the universe
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
