Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
