Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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