You work out of a Hotel?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
