i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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