I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
