I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
