Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
