there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
