I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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