Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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