lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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