i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just cropdusted the office
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
