I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
