I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
