I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
