She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
