We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You pole danced in your parka.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
