Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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